Yeah, that’s right, I totally fell off program. Why you ask? Let’s just say a mini break down, melt down, crisis, whatever you want to call it. When I only had 2 children, I felt like something or someone was missing. Long story short, now that I have 3 children, I don’t feel that way anymore. I have reached an "inner" limit of what I can handle for now. Does that mean no more children for us? No. What is means is that right now, to be the awesome mother I know I am I need to do something for me. I’m working that out right now.
In the meantime I am finding my patient self again, thinking of going back to school, trying to find what is true to myself and keeping up on our family blog! See, I have this habit of letting other’s opinions influence me to a fault. As my friend Staci recently told me, "When you are around people who want lots of children, you want lots of children. When you are around people who are working and earning money, then that is what you want to do. You need to figure out what you want to do and stick to it no matter what others are doing or telling you to do!" Thanks Staci, I needed someone other than Brandon to be blunt with me. Brandon and Staci are right and I need to get real with myself and get back to living what is right for me, my core and my Spirit.
Good news…I walked 7 miles this week pushing the kids in a jogger and carrying Annabelle in the Baby Bjorn. Wow, I felt It might as well have been 14 miles! I’m starting to really care about what food I am putting in my body again. I’ll post some pics and recipes soon!
I want to write my thoughts down before weigh in. This way, no matter what the results, I will have written how I am feeling without the influence of the nasty scale. I am proud of myself. I started exercising again. I have done well sticking to less points this week. I am making better choices and enjoying eating healthier foods. When I have wanted a treat, I have had it, but don’t go overboard. I’m getting back to good habits, finally!
No matter what the scale says tonight (man I should go to a morning weigh in!), I know that I have made positive changes the last few days. Keeping up this way and improving even more will show me healthy results.
Pictures
Ok, I took some gross pictures before Weight Watchers. I can’t bring myself to post them. I will post them when I have had some weight loss and can compare the two. Sorry to disappoint.
Not Just About Being Skinny
Brandon is right, I can’t only focus on weight loss. Before, I only focused on being healthy and the weight came off as a side effect. One of the biggest things I want to change right now is how I feel. Every morning I wake up and feel so old. My body aches. Part of this is probably lack of sleep, but I have never felt like this before. I want this extra weight off of me, because know I will have more energy, won’t feel so achy and feel younger again!
I am noticing that I really do need to start taking care of myself. I can see it in pictures of myself lately. Taking care of my skin, getting sleep, doing things for myself, exercising and eating good foods are imperative to my well being right now. I know when my kids are grown I can focus even more on things I want to discover and experience, but for now I can at least make myself a little more of a priority.
Weigh In
My mom-in-law just called and told me she lost 2.5 lbs her first week! That is awesome! She was diligent and has completely stuck to her points and started exercising again. Way to go mom!
OK, no more putting it off. The verdict is in for week 2. I lost 3.4 lbs! Oh ya baby! So, I lost the 1.2 lbs from last week and another 2.2 lbs, which is my total weight loss for 2 weeks!
Man, having 3 kids is a hoot! Finding time is like trying to escape mosquitoes in the humid heat of Dallas, Texas. Ugh!
Days 6 and 7
I had frustrated feelings come up these days. I had thoughts along the lines of, "Why am I even in this situation?" "I shouldn’t have weight issues." "I’ve already gone thru losing weight before, why again?" "Ok, I know I had a baby, but still, this sucks."
It was no fun, but it was emotions coming up that I had to face. I know that the person I am on the inside can show on the outside. It is no fun not feeling comfortable in your own skin. Literally, I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin. It just does not feel right.
Weigh In For Week 1
Now, I followed points for 7 days, with the exception of one meal at the Olive Garden. I went to weigh in with my mother in law who just joined. I get on the scale and as I look down at what the nice old lady is writing down, I am in disbelief. I want to crawl into a (big) hole. Gained 1.2 pounds?! What the freakin’ heck? Are you serious? I was so ticked off. Really, I was not OK with that. I write down everything I eat, am counting calories (points) and I GAIN weight? I sent a text to my friend Staci, "Gained 1.2, this sucks."
My Reaction
Days 8, 9 and 10 I kind of go off of counting points. Typical, right? I’m totally irritated and start having the feelings of, "If I’m gonna gain, then why am I doing this? I may as well eat whatever the hell I want." It doesn’t make it any better that my skinny, health conscious husband wants to have a "cheat" day. After Chic-fil-a and Peter Piper Pizza, I’m beginning to wonder what I am doing. I mean, I want to be skinny and healthy. This isn’t about "The Fat on January", right? Or is it?
Anyways, I am remembering that a calorie isn’t just a calorie. If you eat 2000 calories of good fats, grass fed, natural meats, fruits, veggies and raw milk and cheese, well, that is different than 2000 calories of a value meal at a fast food joint. Obviously, the nutrients taken in with the healthier foods is more beneficial, but even pound for pound you’ll be eating more food the healthier way. You will be more satisfied, have less cravings and lose more weight. Yeah, OK, it may not be as fun at first, but after a while, your taste buds don’t change, they become alive again! I know in my example I start to crave the healthier foods.
Inspiration
On Sunday I saw a woman at church that I had not seen in about 3 years. I did not recognize her and had to ask someone who she was. When they told me it was Sister Donner, my draw dropped to the floor. As I picked it up I managed to ask where half of her went. I waved her down and after telling her how amazing she looked, I asked here how she lost half of herself. She said it was Weight Watchers. No way! "How much have you lost?" I asked. She said, "Eighty seven pounds. I can’t believe I had that much to lose on me!" She has been counting points and changing eating habits for a year now. She faithfully attends meetings and says, "It’s the only ‘diet’ that truly works". Now that is inspiration (and maybe a sign) at its best.
Days 11 and 12
I got my big booty back on track. After getting thru all of my emotional ups and downs, I decided to stick this out. I am not where I was when I lost the weight by myself in Texas (literally and mentally). I need the support and accountability. I figure if I go to weigh in every week (instead of ignoring what I’m eating) and have a gain, then eventually I might do something about it. I also decided to cut my nursing points from 10 to 5. Now, my allowed points will be 37, not 42. I’m going to see how this effects my milk, if at all, and my weight loss.
Exercise
Brandon asked me 2 nights ago if I wanted to go on a walk in our neighborhood after the kids were in bed. I was surprised that some lame excuse, such as I need to clip my toe nails, didn’t come out of my mouth. Instead a simple "yes" slipped out. So, I charged up my ipod and walked for 35 minutes listening to the Step Up soundtrack. Fun times. I stretched afterwards and felt great. The best part about exercising again after being sedentary for so long, was the mental changes. I started to feel, well, HOPE again. I thought about all I wanted to do, accomplish, be and remembered how great it feels to exercise. It was great. I love walking. Also, there were no kids hanging on me. That in itself was totally worth it. Oh, it was worth 3 points, which I did not use.
Yesterday, I took the kiddos to the zoo. We were there for 5 hours!!! It was all outside walking and I am feeling it today. I am so sore. I calculated that I did 2 hours of low intensity walking and that was worth 7 points. I did end up using those though. I ate more yesterday because I really was hungrier. It was great to be more active and to be able to listen to my body’s true hunger signals.
Day 13
So, I am here at day 13, still counting points and plan on walking again tonight. I have weigh in tomorrow night. I’m not sure if there will be a loss, b/c of my straying, but I am looking forward to the week after that and the many weeks to come. I love making small changes and becoming healthier. This is a journey and I am enjoying the process!
I just got done reading a post on Tim Ferriss’ blog. If you don’t know who Tim Ferriss is, he’s the author of the 4-Hour Work Week, a book I highly recommend. Anyway, he conducted a post in which Dr. Michael Eades, an obesity treatment doctor, compared two different dietary studies and how they apply to losing weight.
You can read it for yourself here. I recommend reading some of the comments, too.
Well, it was not necessarily the middle of the week. Let me explain. Today was that day. Whenever I make a positive change, there comes a day (usually around day 4 or 5) that it is just hard. It is that day when my mind starts playing tricks and my body follows suit. I was hungry today! Really hungry! I wanted to eat and eat. It was interesting though. Instead of panicking and having an overload of negative self talk, I just allowed it be what it was. In the past I would have over binged on food, then said, "Well that’s that! I might as well eat whatever I want. I’ll worry about eating healthy later."
I have learned by now through past experiences to not give up. This is not all or nothing! I will eat better tomorrow. This is life. If I see this as just a diet, that is temporary. I don’t want to see me getting healthier again and losing weight as temporary. This is a permanent change I am making here. I may change my approach or strategy, but I am no giving up. No towel to be thrown in here!
What I Ate
I have to admit I am embarrassed to share this, but I know if I were reading it, I would want to know. I seriously decided earlier this evening that I wasn’t going to write out what I ate. As I write this post though, I know I should. I’m just going to list today’s food. It won’t necessarily be in order.
My regular oatmeal breakfast 3 oranges A small handful of pecans 1/2 avocado Chic-fil-a chicken sandwich Side salad w/low fat honey mustard Popcorn with olive oil and sea salt Chocolate chips Raw cheese 1 cup brown rice cooked in chicken broth and water, sea salt and pepper. Served with a little butter Organic cookies and vanilla soy milk 2 McDonald’s ice cream cones ("shame, shame" I say as I shake my head!)
Total Points: 52 Ouch!!! Used 10 Flex Points Total Flex Points used for the week: 21/35
What Tomorrow Will Bring
I am looking forward to tomorrow. I know that I will feel great that I did not give up. I will focus on the changes I have made and look forward to finishing up the week on the Flex Plan. I also look forward to the Core Plan. I weighted in last Wednesday night. I started the Flex Plan on Thursday morning. I will weigh in this Thursday night for week one. I am switching meetings. My mother in law is joining me, so I’ll be attending with her.
